so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
