O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize