god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
