Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
