Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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