I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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