So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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