youre lurking in front of me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
