in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I touched a dick in church today
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