I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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