i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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