you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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