Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
