Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
