The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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