I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
