The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
