Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize