my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
