also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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