I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
