But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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