Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
