he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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