I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
