Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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