I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
