The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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