Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
