We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
