i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
