remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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