oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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