Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize