i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
