A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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