Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
