im drinking this country out of the recession.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
