and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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