You surviving the open bar?
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they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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