I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
