oh god the rape fog is back!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
