Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
