Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have post one night stand depression
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