I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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