I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
