Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
