Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
