I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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