Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
