when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
