I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize