I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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