Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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