these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
