My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
