I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
