his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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