so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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