Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
