forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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