Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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