You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
