i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
