Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When are your genitals available?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
