you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
