Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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