ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
