I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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