I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
