whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
