Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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