They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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