im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
